Working on the Inside

Hello everyone...
I hope everyone survived their Thanksgiving holiday. I had a wonderful food and family filled day, and I managed not to put on any weight from the stuffing and pie! All in moderation, I guess.
And I hope my fellow livinghealthy5 ladies are surviving the last few weeks of a very hectic semester. We can do it, girls! [let's be honest: do we have a choice??]
My 4th and probably final post is a look at the tougher side of weight loss-the emotional effects. Losing the weight is difficult, but it's only half the battle. Working on loving yourself takes time too, and in most cases can be even harder.
Before my weight loss, I had been the heavy girl my entire life. I was never teased or tormented (fortunately), but I was consumed by the fact that I didn't look as pretty as the girls on t.v., or my friends even. I wanted desperately to fit in to the cool clothes everyone was wearing at the time (you know, the Abercrombie's and Hollister's of the world that say they carry an x-large but would never fit over my hips or boobs). I wanted to be the same size as my friends, so I was always comparing myself to them. I also have a mom who is incredibly fit and thin and has been her whole life. While she never put me down because of my weight, she was always giving me tips and advice on how to get healthy. She knew I was unhappy and that losing weight meant happiness. Her suggestions made me think she was more unhappy about my weight than I was. (I know now that everything she ever tried to do for me was out of love. After all, my mom is the BEST.)
So I've lost the weight. I now fit into the same sizes as my smaller friends. I'm happy to say that, according to standards, I no longer fit into the obese and over-weight categories for my height. I'm incredibly proud of my accomplishments, however...
Most days, I still feel like the fattest girl in the room. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my weight or losing more weight before my wedding. Instead of comparing myself to the skinny girls and wishing I could be more like them, I'm comparing myself to the skinny girls and wishing I could be skinnier than them. After a life-long battle with self-esteem and body issues, I'm finding it difficult to let that go with the weight.
Weight loss is a simple idea--it's all about calories in vs. calories out. It takes strong will and determination, but it is possible for everyone by following simple rules. The emotional and psychological work is the difficult skill--a technique I have yet to master. I'm sure that once I hit my weight-loss goal (another 15 and final pounds) it will be easier. I need to find satisfaction in my progress and realize that the only person that can make me happy is me.
Thanks for listening all!!
*sara